Reassurances
by hardly loquacious
Summary: It shouldn't have been a surprise when her slightly hysterical giggle turned into a sob. Shocked, Lisbon threw off her gloves and pressed a hand to her face. She was being ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. It wasn't like they were fighting. Restraints-verse.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Look! I'm back with Mentalist!fic. (I know I've been gone from this fandom for a while, but I got distracted by Newsroom!fic). Anyway, I decided to sit down and write one of the Jane/Lisbon fic floating around in my brain to celebrate the new season. I thought this was going to be a oneshot originally. Yeah, no. This is part one, and it's over 5K, so, NO DICE. Obviously I am ridiculous, and am completely unable to predict word counts. Part 2 coming soon.

Anyways, this is my fourth fic in what I like to call my Restraints-verse. It features: Restraints, Reminiscing in the Rhododendrons, Rearrangements, and now this fic, Reassurances. Mostly what you need to know is that Lisbon and Jane are in an established relationship and are living together, post-RJ. But they haven't been in said relationship particularly long. I hope you enjoy.

xxx

Part 1

xxx

Lisbon was gardening furiously.

Well, as furiously as one could garden, anyway.

The weeds were certainly suffering because of it. At least she hoped they were weeds. She was pretty sure. She'd been getting better. And she hadn't ripped out anything important yet, not according to Jane at least.

Lisbon winced, blinking suddenly, before throwing herself back into her war against the weeds.

He loved their garden, they both did.

_Their garden_. She still couldn't quite believe it, even though it'd been over a month since she'd moved in. Well, over a month since the last box had been emptied and she'd moved the last of the furniture in her condo into a storage unit across town. "Moving in" to the bungalow had probably taken about a month, all told. It hadn't been something she'd wanted to rush, and there hadn't really been a reason to move faster.

Besides, it had given both her and Jane a little more time to get used to the idea, to work out the kinks.

Of which there had been remarkably few, actually, Lisbon admitted now. Sure, there'd been the usual things, reorganizing the bathroom and parts of the kitchen to make room for another person's things (Jane had remarkably few clothes, so the closets hadn't been a problem). Figuring out cooking schedules and who was going to do which chores. And of course, identifying places to hide when they both needed their space. Jane tended to leave the bungalow entirely when the need struck him; Lisbon suspected he sometimes ended up back in the attic of the CBI, if he didn't end up in their home-office. She sometimes ended up in their office herself, if Jane wasn't already using it. But if she stayed in the house, Lisbon mostly tended to retreat to the giant chair in the corner of the living room. When she was curled up in it, she could shut out the rest of the world.

Most frequently of all though, and if the weather was cooperating, she ended up in their back garden. Sometimes she just sat in one of the chairs and stared at the flowers. Sometimes she ended up on her hands and knees doing battle with the dandelions.

Which was exactly what she was doing now, on a lovely Saturday afternoon. It should have felt domestic (and Lisbon had secretly admitted to herself how much she loved that aspect of her life with Jane, how much she loved the little things, usually when they were doing some completely mundane chore, like making the bed, because it was so much faster with two people).

The weeding should have felt domestic, like it had so many times before. She couldn't help remembering the first time Jane had caught her at it... Her face heated. Because _domestic_ wasn't exactly how she'd have described his reaction that day.

Not that she had to worry about him walking outside and catching her at it today.

Today she couldn't tell herself that the weeding was part of the price she paid for being able to curl up in a lovely garden when she was stressed out.

Today she was just in the mood to rip things, and the weeds were a handy target.

Lisbon pulled off the leafy top of a particularly stubborn weed, growling in frustration when she realized she'd left the root behind. She grabbed a nearby trowel and started hacking at the dirt. If she didn't get the root, then the thing would just be back in about three days, and then where would she be?

After thirty seconds of violent hacking with her trowel, and one ferocious yank, she had the root in her hand.

Her victory was short-lived though. Even she knew that the smile on her face would look more than a little manic to anyone who might have happened to see it. So it shouldn't have been a surprise when her slightly hysterical giggle turned into a sob.

Shocked, Lisbon threw off her gloves and pressed a hand to her face.

She was being ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

It wasn't like they were fighting.

Closing her eyes tightly, Lisbon stifled a second sob.

No, fighting was far too active a word for what they were doing. They weren't even sniping at each other. That she could have dealt with, could have recognized it for what it was.

Instead, they were almost tiptoeing around each other, both desperate to prove that everything was fine.

And it wasn't fine.

It was wrong. She wasn't sure exactly how, or in what way, but it was.

For a start, Jane was being positively polite to her. He was being sweet and kind and considerate. But he wasn't being _Jane_. He wasn't teasing her. He wasn't driving her crazy with his antics. He wasn't looking at her in that way that made her want to throw him up against a wall and have her way with him.

She'd always known they'd have their issues just like everyone else. She just wished she had the first idea what to do about it.

It wasn't like she'd had a real relationship in over a decade. In fact, with the exception of one impulsive engagement when she was younger, her relationship with Jane was easily the most serious of her life.

If only she had any idea what she was doing.

She didn't have any friends she could talk about this with. Half of them didn't know Jane very well and wouldn't understand the situation, so wouldn't be able to help while the other half were cops and would probably tell her something that she really didn't want to hear.

What was she going to do?

She wasn't going to think about it. Not for a little while longer. There were _hours_ worth of weeds left still. She could focus on that.

Then she heard a voice behind her.

"Teresa? I thought I saw you there. Do you have a minute?"

Lisbon tried to quickly wipe her eyes. It was Barb, their elderly next door neighbour. She was a lovely woman, but Lisbon wasn't sure she would pass scrutiny right now, and Barb never missed a thing.

She stood up slowly, trying to get a hold of herself. "Sure, Barb. What do you need? I'm just doing some yard work, but I can..."

Barb's eyes widened in concern, as Lisbon turned around and Lisbon knew her attempt at sounding light and breezy hadn't been anywhere near convincing enough. "Teresa, dear! What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lisbon sniffed stubbornly, blinking quickly to dispel fresh tears. She sent Barb what she hoped was a convincing smile. "I'm fine."

The other woman was already making her way over to her determinedly. "Like hell you are," she muttered. "Where's Patrick?"

Lisbon shrugged, hoping for nonchalance. "Oh, he went for a walk. He'll probably be back soon."

Barb frowned, her last few steps toward Lisbon tentative. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

"Talk about what?" Lisbon wondered, hoping evasion would work.

It didn't. "Whatever it is you're upset about of course!" Barb replied.

Lisbon shook her head quickly, horrified when she realized that fresh tears were trying to overflow from her eyelids. "It's nothing... I don't know..."

Barb had obviously decided to ignore her babbling, because Lisbon felt herself being guided towards a welcoming shoulder.

She tried to pull back. "I'll get you all dirty," she protested weakly.

Barb chuckled lightly. "Please," she scoffed. "The last time I wore this shirt I was staining a coffee table. There's a big brown stripe up the back now. Still not sure how I managed that particular feat, but either way, I think I can handle a little dirt."

"But..." Lisbon whimpered, trying to think of another objection.

"Hush," Barb said soothingly. "Humour me, if you must."

And then Lisbon gave up and dropped her head against Barb's shoulder. "I don't know what's wrong with me," she gasped between her tears.

"Nothing's wrong with you," Barb assured her, her voice soothing. "Sometimes we all just need to have a good cry."

Yeah, Lisbon thought, wrapping her arms around Barb's shoulders tentatively. Except that in the past she'd done it on her couch with a pint of ice cream. Not in her own garden with the world's most stubborn neighbour. But, stubborn as she was, Barb was also one of the kindest women Lisbon had ever met. They'd become fast friends quickly, in spite of the age difference. And at least once or twice a week, Lisbon found herself chatting to Barb, either in the garden or in Barb's kitchen. She was something of a confidante, which Lisbon was still getting used to.

And while Barb always assured Lisbon that she could tell her to leave if she was wearing out her welcome, the thought had never once crossed her mind. Barb's advice was usually world-class, she didn't flinch from Lisbon's job, and there was something about her that was just comforting. Lisbon guessed the relationship was just something that came with this new life of hers and Jane's. Because, like the built-in shelving in the back hall closet, Barb had come with the bungalow. Lisbon sniffled once more and lifted her head.

Barb's needle-like gaze was fixed on her. Lisbon was suddenly sure that she wouldn't get away with evasions of any kind. She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, trying to straighten out her brain.

It seemed to be enough for Barb who nodded once. "That's better," she said briskly. "Now tell me, what did he do?"

Lisbon frowned. What had who done? Then the light dawned. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "No! Jane didn't do anything. In fact, he's been..." she paused, searching for the right word. "Really... understanding." He had been. He hadn't pushed her at all. Part of her couldn't help wondering if she'd wanted him to. Just get it over with. Instead, he'd barely said anything about it.

Maybe this was just a subject that both of them were too terrified to deal with.

Still, he had asked her if she was okay, and she'd assured him she was fine. Repeatedly. So...

"Jane hasn't done anything wrong," she said again.

Barb was frowning, looking like she wanted to question that. She shook her head lightly.

"He hasn't!" Lisbon insisted.

Barb watched her for another minute, seeming to accept that. Then another idea seemed to strike her. "Okay," she said firmly. "Why don't you and I go and have a nice cup of tea. I have cookies. Chocolate chip. Store-bought of course; I never was much of a baker. But they're not bad."

Lisbon didn't have the strength to argue, and a small part of her admitted that she didn't want to. Cookies and tea sounded really good all of a sudden. And Barb _was_ offering, so...

"I should clean up the weeds," she muttered half-heartedly.

"Those can wait until tomorrow," Barb said with a wave of her hand. "They're not going anywhere. Come on. I could use a cup of Earl Grey."

"I wouldn't want to impose," Lisbon murmured.

Barb glared at her. "Since when are you an imposition?" she demanded. "I drop in here unannounced all the time and you've yet to tell me that I'm an imposition. Now here I am, a lonely woman who lives alone, asking her neighbour in for a cup of tea, and suddenly you're an imposition?"

Lisbon found a smile then. Barb may have been older, and she probably was a bit lonely sometimes, but she was hardly a fading flower. Lisbon recognized a good guilt-trip when she heard one. "Sorry," she muttered.

"Damn right, you're sorry," Barb grumbled. "As if you'd be an imposition. Unlike Mrs. Lawrence on my other side, who I swear threatened to sue me for trespassing when I accidentally stepped into her yard one day."

"You were teasing her dog," Lisbon pointed out.

"I was trying to get the little beast to shut up and stop its shrill little growling. I'm surprised she even let the pampered princess outside," Barb retorted. "Stupid thing could use a little fear put into its heart. Toughen it up."

Lisbon chuckled.

"There now," Barb murmured. "That's better. Come on, let's go have that tea. You look like you could use a sympathetic ear."

And so, Lisbon let herself be led across the garden, through the back door of the bungalow next door. After excusing herself to wash her hands and clean up a bit, Lisbon walked into Barb`s cheerful kitchen, where she could already hear her neighbour bustling around making tea.

Lisbon felt herself relaxing immediately. Barb and her husband Charlie had lived in the house their entire marriage. And though Charlie had passed away a few years ago, and Barb lived in the house alone now, the house still felt comfortable, lived-in. Lisbon especially liked the kitchen, which was painted pale yellow with white trim. It always made her feel cheerful, and it had a calming effect now.

She sat down at the table, knowing it would be futile to offer to help the woman currently busying herself with teabags.

Instead, she snuck a hand into the bag of cookies Barb unceremoniously dumped on the table in front of her.

Taking a bite (and a moment to enjoy the chocolate), Lisbon glanced up at Barb who had her back to her as she searched her cupboards for something (sugar probably), Lisbon found that she wanted to talk. She _really_ wanted to. Maybe she just needed to say it out loud. "I almost got shot last week," she said casually, as one would if they were making an observation about the weather.

Barb stilled in her search. She turned slowly. "Did you?"

Lisbon nodded, reminding herself of Jane's theory that the woman was ex-military, though neither of them had ever quite been able to figure out what branch. For some reason it never seemed to come up when they were actually with Barb. Still, it explained the calmness she was projecting in light of Lisbon's rather extraordinary declaration. Extraordinary for most people at least.

She nodded. "Suspect came up behind me with a gun. We thought he was in the office in the back of the warehouse we were searching. We were wrong."

"What happened?"

Lisbon shrugged. "Cho took the shot first," she said, her voice deceptively calm. "I mean, I was wearing a vest, but our guy was ex-law-enforcement and pretty much batshit crazy, so there was a pretty good chance he'd go for a headshot. That certainly looked like his plan based on how he was holding the gun." She shivered. It was why she'd insisted on taking the lead. She couldn't send anyone else in there knowing what she'd known. And there hadn't been time for backup. They'd figured their suspect probably had about ten contingency plans for getting out of the country without too much trouble.

"I see." Barb set the teapot down on the table in front of her. Lisbon noticed her hands were shaking slightly.

She jumped out of her chair. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have... With my job it's so... I should go."

But Barb stopped her with a surprisingly firm hand on her elbow. "Don't you even think about it. I'm tougher than you think, Teresa Lisbon. You just took me by surprise is all. And I find that I don't really like the image of you with a gun pointed at your head."

Lisbon dropped her head into her hands. "I probably should have led up to it somehow."

But Barb was smirking now. "And how, pray tell, were you planning on delicately leading up to that particular subject?"

"I don't know," Lisbon muttered.

"Exactly. Because however you start the story, it still ends with you almost getting shot," Barb replied. "Which I can only assume you didn't, since you're sitting here in what looks like perfect health."

"No," Lisbon said. "But it was a close one. Closer than it's been in... a while."

"And for whatever reason," Barb guessed, pouring two cups of tea. "This time, it's getting to you."

"Yeah," Lisbon murmured, staring at the steaming cup in front of her. "When Jane asked me that night, I told him I was fine. And I thought I was. I _was_ fine. All's well that ends well. Besides, it's not like it's the first time."

"We both know that's not how these types of things work," Barb murmured.

"I guess not," Lisbon muttered. "I don't know how to..." She shook her head

"How's your other half taking it?" Barb asked when Lisbon didn't continue.

Lisbon bit her lip, ignoring the sudden pain in her chest in the vicinity of her heart. "I don't know," she whispered. "He says he's fine, he's been concerned obviously, supportive, but he's been... quiet."

Barb winced. They both knew that wasn't a good sign with Patrick Jane. "Quiet?"

"Too quiet," Lisbon whispered. "Like he's trying to be a good boyfriend, but inside he's..."

"Going a little bit crazy?" Barb suggested.

"It's tough, y'know, being with a cop," Lisbon replied, gripping her mug tightly. "Particularly one who works murders. A lot of marriages don't survive. Most of the people I know on the job have been divorced at least once. The CBI is full of stories of relationships gone wrong."

Barb nodded. "The navy was like that too," she replied. "I was in the navy, by the way."

"Well, that answers that question," Lisbon murmured. "Jane's been wondering what branch of the military you were in," she explained when she caught Barb's expression. "He figured you must have been in one of the branches, but couldn't fix on one."

Barb laughed. "I'm oddly flattered that he hasn't guessed yet. Maybe you shouldn't tell him."

"Maybe I won't," Lisbon replied, with a smile.

Barb turned serious. "Anyway, some of jobs are like that, Teresa. They come with their own issues. Do you really think Patrick's having trouble with it?"

"I don't know," Lisbon whispered. "He hasn't mentioned it." But then, he hadn't mentioned much of anything at all about the shooting. And he had to have noticed she'd been quieter than usual.

"Have you asked?" Barb pressed.

Lisbon shook her head.

"I see," Barb muttered. "How long have the two of you known each other again? Remind me."

"About ten years," Lisbon replied. And she couldn't believe it had been that long.

Barb smiled. "And you've been a CBI Agent the entire time?"

"Yeah," Lisbon whispered.

Barb took a sip of her tea. "I'm guessing you've been in threatening situations during the ten years?"

Lisbon almost laughed. "One or two," she replied dryly.

Barb smirked, acknowledging the obvious understatement. "And has Jane had trouble dealing with it before?"

Lisbon bit her lip, shaking her head. Jane certainly worried. And he tended not to like blood, but mostly he was surprisingly good under pressure. At least most of the time. Hell, he'd been the one to help her out of a jam more than once.

"So why do you think he is this time?" Barb asked.

"We weren't..." she fumbled for the words. Saying that she and Jane hadn't been in a relationship seemed somehow wrong. "We weren't living together," she said finally.

"And that changes things?" Barb asked. "I mean, obviously it does, but does it change them that much? You were partners at work before you got together, right?"

"Did Jane ever tell you about his life before he started at the CBI?" Lisbon asked.

"I know what happened," Barb said. "He didn't tell me, but I realized where I'd heard the name before a few months after meeting him."

Lisbon nodded. "You know about his wife and daughter?" she pressed.

Barb frowned, reaching a hand across the table. "Teresa..."

Lisbon pulled her hand back. "He didn't take it well," she whispered. "I mean, obviously he didn't. Who would? But I don't know what he'd do if he lost someone else."

"Who says he's going to lose you?" Barb asked sharply.

"He could," Lisbon said, looking stricken. With her job, that was always a possibility.

"And you could walk out onto the street and get hit by a bus tomorrow," Barb reminded her.

"Yeah, but it might also be easier for him if his girlfriend didn't have a job where she had guns pointed at her head," Lisbon muttered, burying her head in her hands again. That was what Jane deserved after all. After all that he'd been through. He deserved a stable relationship, a nice one. With a woman whose job wasn't quite so life-threatening.

"Has he ever said that?" Barb demanded.

Lisbon bit her lip. "He'd never say that."

"Teresa..."

"He wouldn't," she insisted. "And maybe it's fine this time, but I don't think that I can... I mean... I can't watch this relationship slowly crack apart if this keeps happening."

Barb winced in sympathy. She could certainly understand that concern. "And yet you haven't talked to him about it?"

Lisbon shook her head. She hadn't wanted to poke the beast. It'd been bad enough knowing it was probably down there, reading to wake up and destroy everything.

"Lord help me," Barb muttered under her breath. "What have you done in your past relationships when this issue came up?"

Lisbon glanced away. None of her other 'relationships' had gotten anywhere near this far.

Barb took another sip of her tea, trying to hide her smile behind the cup. "I see."

"I'm not very good at..." Lisbon tried to explain. "With my job..."

"Hush," Barb said gently. "First of all, I'd like you to keep a few things in mind. Yes, Patrick's been quiet on the subject, but so have _you_. Has it ever occurred to you that he's afraid to poke you on this one, for somewhat similar reasons?"

Lisbon glanced up, eyeing Barb warily over her tea.

The older woman almost laughed at Lisbon's expression. She kept her composure, knowing what her friend needed. "Second of all, I'm guessing Jane's probably almost gotten himself killed any number of times over the last decade."

"He's almost gotten himself killed any number of times over the last six months," Lisbon grumbled.

"And yet neither of you were willing to call it quits when that happened," Barb reminded her.

Lisbon frowned. But that was _Jane_. He wasn't the cop. And she couldn't imagine being anything else.

"And Jane still works for the CBI, even after helping catch his family's killer," Barb added. "So he must at least like it a little. We both know he analyzes everything, so he must have decided it's worth it."

Lisbon was still frowning. "Because he knows I'll always do my best to save him," she said, pausing when she remembered hearing similar words from Jane once.

Barb smiled, seeing the realization on Lisbon's face. "He does. And he knows your team will try and save you, and that you're responsible and you know what you're doing. It's not a guarantee. Of course it isn't. But it's something. And it's a world he's used to now. He's been in it for ten years."

"I guess," Lisbon said slowly, not quite willing to let the hope take over.

"Did it ever occur to you that he's reacting to your reaction?" Barb asked.

Lisbon shut her eyes. Maybe he was. Maybe Jane was freaked out because she was. But she doubted it. And she _was_ freaked out. "If I died before, I mean, I knew people would be upset. But I've never..."

"There's never been anyone whose world it would destroy," Barb said gently.

Lisbon opened her eyes, which were again full of unshed tears. "I can't do that to him."

Barb shrugged. "So don't die."

Lisbon almost laughed at that answer. "I can't guarantee that."

"Exactly," Barb said with an emphatic nod. "And he's not asking you to. This isn't a thing that's in your control. If you're going to be in a relationship with him, you have to acknowledge that you could hurt him."

Lisbon clenched her hands into fists. "I don't want to."

Barb rolled her eyes. Lord give her strength. "So what's your solution then? To break up with him? Because I doubt that would hurt him less."

Lisbon's expression shifted from upset to horrified. "Of course not!"

"To quit your job?" Barb pushed.

Lisbon shook her head. She couldn't do that either. For about eighteen different reasons. She loved it; she wouldn't abandon her team; she'd worked hard to be where she was, and if she quit, Jane would have to as well, because then she couldn't be sure that whoever else took over would watch out for him appropriately.

"I know it's tough, but relationships are. Being a cop is just another layer on top of that. Other jobs have other issues," Barb reminded her.

Lisbon fidgeted with a napkin. "How did you and Charlie deal with it? Or was he in the military too?"

Barb laughed. "No, not him. Not my easy-going Charlie. He was a computer programmer. Consulted for the navy a couple of times. It's how we met. Mostly he worked from home. I'm not going to say it was always easy, especially when I was away from home. But mostly we talked. He was pretty amazing. But I guess he thought I was worth it."

Lisbon smiled wistfully. "I wish I could have met him."

"Oh, he'd have liked you," Barb said. "Had a thing for tough women who were good at giving orders. Not that he always obeyed them."

Lisbon laughed.

"I'm not going to insult you by asking if Patrick is worth it, Teresa," Barb said gently.

Lisbon nodded. He was. He definitely was. Just... She'd never had to do this before, never been in this situation.

"You need to talk to him," Barb said gently.

Lisbon took a breath. "I'm not sure that he wants to; he's been awfully quiet lately."

Barb shook her head, not accepting the excuse. "Make him. I'm sure you know how."

Lisbon chuckled. "Yeah."

"Alright then," Barb said. "Enough tea. I'm going to walk you back to your garden, and you are going to find that wayward man of yours, sit him down, and _talk._"

"Yes ma'am," Lisbon said with a mock salute.

"Well, that brings back memories," Barb said dryly as she grabbed their cups and set them in the sink.

The two women walked in silence to the garden. When they got there, Lisbon paused, turning awkwardly to Barb. "Hey, y'know, thanks for..."

Barb smiled. "Don't mention it, dear. I could hardly leave my favourite neighbour sniffling over an ever-growing mountain of weeds."

Lisbon chuckled. "Still..."

"You're welcome in my kitchen anytime, Teresa," Barb told her, squeezing her elbow. "And I know you have trouble with that sometimes, but it's true. I've gotten quite fond of you. So, anytime you need, you know where to find me. And don't worry about Patrick. I know you two will figure it out."

Lisbon felt the tears pricking in the corners of her eyes again.

Barb just squeezed her hand with a sympathetic smile.

Then she glanced up. "And speak of the devil!"

Lisbon turned to see Jane walking towards them. Her heart lurched. When he'd gone for the walk he'd been wearing a dress shirt and slacks, but somewhere along the way he'd untucked the shirt and rolled up his sleeves. Plus his hair was a little disheveled. It was a good look for him. She smiled hopefully at him, but he didn't seem to notice that as he practically ran across the yard.

"Lisbon! What's the matter?" he asked in concern, wrapping an arm around her and drawing her to him.

She gasped in surprise and pleasure to find herself so suddenly against his chest. "I'm fine," she murmured, wrapping an arm around his waist and ducking her head against his shoulder.

She felt Jane's arm tighten around her as she ran a hand up and down his chest, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

He glanced down at the woman in his arms before turning back to his neighbour.

"She's fine," Barb seconded. "We were just having a little chat."

"And some tea," Lisbon chimed in.

"And some tea," Barb confirmed. "But I'll leave you in good hands, Teresa. And I'll talk to you later. Patrick," she nodded.

"Bye Barb!" Lisbon called. "And thank you for the cookies."

A wave was her only answer.

"You got cookies too?" Jane asked lightly from above her head.

Lisbon tipped her face up to meet his eyes, searching hers in concern.

She felt her heart thump a little, and reached up to tuck a stray curl behind his ear. "They were chocolate," she murmured.

Jane didn't take his eyes off hers. "Well then."

Lisbon bit her lip.

"You've been crying," he whispered.

She knew there was no point in denying it. Not to him. She ran her fingers through his hair lightly. It was so soft. "Just a little," she assured him.

"Teresa..." he whispered desperately, the hand around her waist tightening.

It was the obvious emotion in his voice that did it. Without even thinking, Lisbon slid her hand further around his neck, stretching up on her toes to kiss him.

Jane responded eagerly. Lisbon felt his other hand reach around her; it was as if he was trying to drag her as close to him as he possibly could. She wrapped both arms around his shoulders to try and facilitate the process. She needed this. So much. She just needed _him._

Her tongue brushed his and she felt more than heard his moan. Her heart soaredr. And his kiss turned almost bruising. This was her Jane. Demanding, passionatel, _real._

Then his hand was tugging at her shirt, and Lisbon remembered where they were. She pulled back, sliding her hands up to cup his face. "We need to go inside," she whispered.

Jane nodded enthusiastically, his eyes wide and dark, his fingers still playing around her waist.

Lisbon swallowed. "And we need to talk."

Jane froze, and Lisbon swore she saw a shadow of something (wariness? disappointment?) flicker across his eyes.

Then his expression turned determined and he nodded.

With a little smile, Lisbon grabbed his hand lightly to lead him towards the house.

To her surprise, Jane didn't follow right away, lifting her hand to his lips and placing a kiss on her palm, his eyes never leaving hers.

Lisbon gasped, and her knees went a little wobbly. Still, she walked determinedly towards the bungalow, Jane trailing along behind her.

Even with all the anxiety fluttering around inside of her, she couldn't help smiling when she felt him thread his fingers through hers and grip her hand tightly.

Maybe they really would be able to get through this.

xxx

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, so this part took me a little bit longer than I was expecting to get done, but here it is. I hope you enjoy it. I definitely need a distraction after that premiere. This is it. I think it turned out alright. These types of chapters always make me vaguely nervous.

Part 2

xxx

He'd been wandering around their neighbourhood for hours, trying to calm his brain.

Jane knew he wasn't dealing with things well, but honestly, how did you deal with this?

He thought he'd known her, known how she reacted to things (at least generally).

He should have known she'd always surprise him.

That thought made him smile.

His smile didn't last long.

He didn't know what she was thinking. He could make a guess, a few guess actually, and he didn't like them.

Lisbon shut down in times of stress. That was what she did. But what happened after she shut down? And just how long could they pretend that she wasn't?

Especially since usually when she shut down, it didn't take much from him to poke her out of it.

He couldn't say he hadn't been able to do that this time. Because he hadn't even tried. Well, not really. He could lie to himself and say that his half-assed attempts to find out how she was feeling earlier in the week were actual attempts. But they hadn't been.

He missed her.

Even though she was right there. (Still right there. She was _fine._)

It was like an ache.

A new one, fresh and acute. And he wanted it gone, fixed.

Usually she was the one who fixed that sort of thing.

As Jane rounded the final corner towards the bungalow, he unconsciously picked up his pace. When he realized what he was doing, he decided he didn't care.

He wanted to see her.

He whipped open the front door, determined to find her as soon as possible.

A quick scan of their living room and kitchen as he powered through them confirmed his suspicions as to where she'd be. Even if she hadn't been stressed, it was where he'd expect of find her on an afternoon like this.

He opened the door to their back garden, smiling slightly when he saw her.

He paused to appreciate the picture she made in the oversized t-shirt and slightly ragged jeans she usually wore for weeding. He loved it when she looked all casual in their home, particularly in their garden. He remembered the first time he'd found her there. He'd been surprised; Lisbon was hardly a nature-girl, but there she was, on her hands and knees ripping out the weeds (and maybe a little bit of the groundcover he'd planted, but not _much_). He'd told her she didn't need to take care of the garden; he knew it wasn't her thing. Then she'd gone and looked up at him with those eyes of hers and told him that maybe she'd wanted to learn, and he'd been _done_. They'd barely made it back inside, let alone to their bedroom (though they'd made it there eventually).

And even now, Lisbon in their garden covered in smudges of dirt had quite an effect. Today it mixed with Jane's already near-overwhelming desire to be near her and nearly sent him stumbling out into the yard without any clear idea of what he was going to say to either woman when he got there.

Because Lisbon wasn't alone.

Jane was unsurprised to see Barb with her. The two women had become fast friends in spite of the age difference. Barb was taller and more solidly built, her hair cut short, greying and curling around her face, her posture ramrod straight, and her hand supportively on Lisbon's shoulder.

Wait, what? Noticing the protective slant to Barb's body language, Jane's glance shifted to Lisbon in alarm.

He noted the dirt on her knees and shirt and the pile of weeds in the corner. She'd obviously spent most of the time he'd been walking gardening; she loved the garden, possibly more than he did. That made him smile again, until he noticed something else that had the smile sliding off his face as quickly as it'd appeared. And it wasn't the fact that she obviously hadn't been gardening for at least the least half hour (given the fact that the weeds on the grass were actually starting to dry out).

It was the set of her shoulders, hunched over, down, defensive. Lisbon was upset. Then she shifted slightly and he caught a good look at her eyes.

Jane was halfway across the lawn and reaching for her before he even noticed he'd moved. "Lisbon! What's the matter?"

He vaguely registered her assurance that she was fine as he tucked her against him, noting her slightly glassy eyes.

The slash of pain was quick. Had he done this? Had he… Had he made Lisbon _cry?_

Jane lost control of his heartbeat as panic started to take over.

He pulled her closer, calming slightly when she cuddled against him. Whatever it was, whoever had hurt her (and damn it, it was probably him), he would fix it. He would…

Jane took a breath. She had said she was fine, but…

He glanced up at Barb for her input. Lisbon's was notoriously unreliable when it came to her own well-being.

"She's fine," Barb soothed. "We were just having a little chat."

A little chat that involved a crying Lisbon? Jane thought. That didn't sound like any _little chat_ he'd ever had.

"And some tea," Lisbon murmured from underneath his chin, as she rested her head against his shoulder (Jane felt his heartbeat calm further).

"And some tea," Barb confirmed indulgently. "But I'll leave you in good hands, Teresa. And I'll talk to you later." She nodded toward him, "Patrick." And Jane couldn't tell if Barb's quick goodbye was a little cool (and why shouldn't it be? Barb liked Lisbon, and this was probably his fault) or if he was just paranoid.

Lisbon didn't seem to have noticed anything accusatory in their neighbour's manner towards him. Or maybe she was just oblivious to Barb's subtle warning. "Bye Barb!" she called. "And thank you for the cookies."

"You got cookies too?" Jane murmured, unsure of how to proceed. He'd never been in this situation with Lisbon before. Usually he was the one pouring her tea when she was upset.

His voice made her tip her face up. "They were chocolate."

"Well then," Jane murmured, shifting his arm to stroke her hip.

She bit her lip.

From this angle he could see that her eyes weren't just glassy, but tinged red about the edges. His breath caught. She hadn't just gotten a little teary because she'd been momentarily overwhelmed. That expression meant sustained pain. "You've been crying," he whispered. For a week he'd been trying to make thing easier for her, trying to… And when she'd needed him he'd been _gone_. Wandering around the block to no purpose whatsoever, no good to anyone…

She ran her hand through his hair, possibly to distract him. "Just a little."

But Jane was sick of trying to pretend everything was fine. Sick of the pretence, sick of trying to pretend he wasn't upset, that he wasn't worried. Trying to pretend that some of his biggest fears weren't about to come to pass. "Teresa…"

Then she kissed him, and it definitely wasn't a pretence. So the emotion just sort of spilled out of him.

He crushed her to him, uncaring for a moment if it was too much, or too overwhelming, or too anything. She'd been _crying_.

And then he felt her tongue against his, and he forgot all about that. He tasted chocolate and tea and Teresa, and it was enough to drive everything else out of his brain. He just wanted to lose himself in her, just forget the mess and feel every inch of her.

One some level he knew that it probably wouldn't solve anything, but he just needed to touch her.

She stopped him when he started his frantic attempts to liberate her shirt from her pants.

"We need to go inside."

Jane had been momentarily disappointed by her hands firmly on her chest holding him at bay, but her suggestion nipped that in the bud. Inside would be much better for what he wanted.

Then her voice stopped him again, "And we need to talk."

Jane's shoulders slumped slightly, but not for long. Because he knew she was right. He met her eyes and saw determination and nerves and worry and any number of other things. Suddenly, he knew that she was just as frightened as he was, maybe more so.

He reached for her hand, enjoying the look of surprise on her face when he tugged it up to kiss her palm. And Jane realized how long overdue this was. He let her pull him lightly back towards the house, determined to have this out.

He couldn't help noticing that she was smiling just a little, and something eased ever so slightly in his chest. Still, he knew this was far from over. Still, he wanted to keep things going well as long as he possibly could, so as he walked through the door, Jane turned and smiled back at her, trying to put her even further at ease. "You're getting to be quite the tea drinker, I see."

He was delighted when she rolled her eyes at him. "I've always drank tea, Jane. I just drink coffee as well."

Jane considered that. "You and Barb seem to favour tea though."

"Sometimes that's just what we want to drink," Lisbon pointed out.

Jane changed the subject slightly. "I think Barb likes you best." In fact, he was becoming more and more sure of that fact with each passing week. Barb's protectiveness of Lisbon back out in the garden had been just another piece of evidence in his case.

Lisbon let out a huff that might have been laughter or annoyance and was probably a combination of both. "Barb does not like me best."

Jane hid his smile. "I think she does."

"She likes us both equally," Lisbon said stubbornly.

Jane wasn't sure that was true. At the very least, Lisbon's relationship with Barb was different than his own. Which was normal. He certainly didn't mind. "Please, the two of you over there, drinking tea, probably bemoaning all the inferior mortals around you. I almost feel left out."

Lisbon glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Yeah, well, you're just an inferior mortal, so…"

"Hey!" he said, feigning offence. Any real offence was more than countermanded by the little smirk on her face.

"I'm sure Barb would make you tea if you wanted," Lisbon assured him indulgently.

Jane decided she was now looking far too smug. "I don't want your pity tea."

She threw up her hands. "Oh for crying out loud! You wouldn't know the difference!"

Now it was Jane's turn to be stubborn. "I will now. You might have just ruined all tea for me at Barb's."

To his surprise, instead of shooting him down, Lisbon hesitated. "Really?"

He frowned, wondering how she could possibly think he was really offended. "I'm just teasing you, dear."

To his even greater surprise, her eyes brightened immediately and far beyond what he thought the comment warranted, but before he could say anything else Lisbon was kissing him again.

Jane decided that so far talking was going quite well.

He eased her back against the wall of their back hallway as he slanted his mouth over hers, idly acknowledging that they'd at least made it inside like Lisbon had wanted them to. As he tried to align every inch of their bodies that he possibly could, Jane decided the talking could wait at least a few more minutes, growling low in his throat when he felt one of her legs wrap around the back of his knee. He slid a hand down to her hip to hold the leg in place as his other hand made its way up to her neck. Lisbon was gripping the collar of his shirt with both hands, which was convenient since he had no intention of going anywhere. He slowed the kiss before shifting slightly and placing hot open-mouthed kisses along the line of her chin.

The sound she made nearly undid him completely: part pleasure, part pain. Jane pulled back, panting slightly, to enjoy the flush of her cheeks and her wide eyes. Her eyes were practically bursting with emotion, and to his surprise when they met his own, that emotion broke.

Lisbon let out a choked little sob and buried her face against his neck. Jane felt fresh tears against his skin as she shook against him. Jane mentally berated himself for not expecting this; Lisbon had been upset enough to cry in front of their (admittedly lovely) neighbour only an hour ago. He'd known this wasn't a little thing. After easing her leg back to the floor, he wrapped his arms around her, and slowly led her towards the couch, wondering, not for the first time, just how much emotion the woman clinging to him was capable of suppressing.

She had phenomenal control, which sometimes did her more harm than good. Jane could understand that. He wondered if she'd been trying not to break all week. Murmuring comfort against her ear, he settled them both on the sofa. Once they achieved some kind of comfortable, he wrapped his arms around her, burying his own nose deep in her hair and just breathing her in.

Lisbon released her grip first. "Sorry," she murmured, wiping her eyes. "I don't know where that came from."

Jane decided that he wasn't quite ready to let her go, and he definitely didn't want her to move from her current position curled up against him. "Don't apologize," he hissed, tightening his grip. He'd spent his week terrified that she was about to tell him that she wasn't sure she could have a relationship, with her job and how dangerous it was. That it had become too much to deal with, and that situations like the one they were experiencing were exactly why she'd never had a relationship before, and that she was _leaving_. It might have been slightly irrational, but Jane had felt it all the same.

To his surprise, in response to his death grip on her waist, Lisbon settled back against him in something like relief. "I'm fine."

A surge of irritation flashed through him. If he hadn't felt a frantic need to be close to her, he might have shaken her in pure frustration. "You're obviously not."

He felt her nuzzle his neck. "I will be."

"Why won't you talk to me?" he asked desperately, wondering why the lunatic in his arms seemed determined to continuously play down the issue.

Predictably, Lisbon stiffened. A second later, she relaxed again slightly."I am talking to you."

"About what you talked to Barb about?" Jane asked more harshly than he'd intended to. He didn't mind that Lisbon had a confidante. He understood that people needed them, but he hadn't known how to reach her all week and...

Lisbon pulled back slightly and ever cell in Jane's body protested the distance.

"I'm trying to lead up to it," she muttered defensively.

"Did you lead up to it with Barb?" Jane pressed. He knew it wasn't a tactful method of approach, but when had tact ever gotten him anywhere?

To his surprise, the question made Lisbon smile slightly. "Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Not really," she admitted.

"Teresa…" he could hear the warning in his tone.

And with that, Lisbon shifted right out of his lap. "I don't know how to do this okay?" she said, bouncing off the couch in her panic and beginning to pace around their living room. "I'm not used to… And Barb was there, and she insisted. Her and her tea. And I've never really had anyone to talk to about… Not another woman. I mean, who else am I going to talk about almost getting shot with?" Jane flinched, but she didn't seem to notice. "Who else am I going to talk about relationships with? I needed another opinion, even I didn't know it before an hour ago. Most of my friends are cops! And if I talk to people at work all they do is offer you a beer and start in on a litany of how bad the job is for relationships, and how many have busted up and how it's probably only a matter of time before you decide that…"

But now Jane was the one jumping to his feet. He stopped her disjointed explanation with a near bruising grip on her shoulders. _"What?"_

Lisbon paused, her eyes wide and frightened.

Jane's expression hardened. "Don't you _ever_ say that again! _That's what…?_" He shook his head, trying to clear it. He couldn't... She'd thought... Jane dropped his hands from her shoulders as quickly as he'd put them there, and dropped back down to the couch.

Lisbon watched him bury his hands in his hair, hunching over as he balanced his elbows on his knees, her heart breaking with the sudden conviction that _she'd done this to him_. Her and her dangerous job and her inability to function in a normal relationship. Closing her eyes, she realized that she had to try to explain.

Crouching in front of him and placing her hands on his forearms, she started his name. "Jane," she said tentatively, pleased when he looked up. "I'm sorry," she said. "I... Cop advice isn't always great. Particularly about relationships. And I... I swear I'm not sabotaging this thing we have. I just, something was wrong, and I didn't know exactly what and I... So I talked to Barb, and now I'm talking to you. Or I'm trying to. If it makes you feel any better, I started off my conversation with Barb by telling her that I almost got shot in the head last week."

"How'd she react?" Jane asked, slowly lifting his head and trying to figure out his thoughts.

"Not great," Lisbon admitted. "Not terribly, she's, well..."

"Ex-military," Jane supplied.

"Yeah," Lisbon almost smiled, remembering Barb's confirmation that she'd been in the navy. She pushed that aside for another time.

"You didn't start a conversation with me at all," Jane reminded her.

Lisbon almost pointed out that he hadn't asked. Because he had asked, just not _really_. He hadn't asked in the way that Jane usually _asked_, like he'd phrased it as a question so that you thought you had a choice, but really he was going to keep at you until you told him what he wanted to know. Instead she took a breath and told him the truth. "I was scared."

That had his eyes widening.

"Not of you," she told him quickly. "Just... You were so quiet. I was afraid you were too freaked out to deal with it and you needed space. After all, this is the first time since we've been... together, that something like this has happened to me."

"I thought you were having second-thoughts," Jane confessed.

This time it was Lisbon's turn to be stunned. _"What?"_

"You're a beautiful woman, and you don't have that many serious relationships. I thought maybe you'd decided this one was too much trouble." It was the fear he'd been trying not to name for days now. As long as he hadn't asked her about it, he could pretend it hadn't existed.

Lisbon tried to find her breath. He'd thought... While she'd been thinking... She'd have laughed, but it wasn't really funny. "That never even crossed my mind," she said.

Jane grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it, letting the relief diffuse through him. He'd never been so thankful for her inability to tell a lie. He could see the truth shining from her eyes.

Lisbon took the way his thumb was brushing across her knuckles as encouragement and continued. "I swear Jane. I was worried about you, how you were dealing with it, now that things have changed."

"And you think you only started mattering to me the day I slapped your handcuffs around your wrists then kissed you senseless?" Jane demanded, suddenly unbelievably insulted at the implication.

Lisbon's breath caught in her throat. He looked almost angry now. Some deep, hidden part of her thrilled. God, she wanted to fight. Blow it all out in the open and just, figure it out. "No. But..."

Jane stood up suddenly, sliding his hands under her elbows and hauling her up with him. "But _nothing_," he told her. "You've been the most important person in my life for _years_. _Years, _Teresa. Do you think seeing you in danger was any easier two years ago? One year ago? Six months ago? Because let me tell you something, _dear_, it _wasn't._"

Lisbon's swallowed. "But things _are_ different now," she said again. "And two years ago there were other things tying you to the CBI."

Jane froze, a kind of fury flowing through him. "You think that now that Red John's gone, I've decided that the danger's not worth it?"

Lisbon realized that she was only making it worse. "No, that's not... I just meant that things are different now and so you might react differently."

"Did it ever occur to you that, apart from my own worries, maybe I was just quiet because _you_ were? Because I thought that's what _you_ wanted?" Jane demanded. "I was trying to give you space!"

"_I didn't want space!" _Lisbon snapped back, gasping as soon as the words were out of her mouth. Because they were true. So very true. She'd been quietly freaking out for a week, and all she'd wanted him to do was badger it all out of her and tell her it would all be okay, that they'd figure out. And he hadn't, and it had hurt. Instead, he'd pulled away, or it'd felt like he had. _And that had hurt too._ She wrapped her arms around herself, unsure how angry he was with her and so unwilling to risk wrapping them around him.

Jane watched her for a moment, trying to sort through her words and his brain's self-criticism. How had he not noticed this? How had he not seen...? "Are you telling me that this whole time, after _you_ almost got shot, that you've been upset because you've been worried about _me_ and _my_ reaction?

Lisbon swallowed. "You were right about one thing. I've never had to worry about it before. About someone not being able to deal with my job, I mean. Well, you know what my personal life's been the past few years. I've never been a cop and been in a relationship where..."

She found herself crushed against his chest. "Teresa..."

"Don't let go," she whispered. "Please."

He shut his eyes, remembering her smiles when he'd teased her, when he'd taken her hand, kissed her. And he understood what she'd really been battling, what had really scared her. He vowed to spend the week teasing her and trying to sneak sly touches whenever he could, partly to reassure her, partly to reassure himself. "Of course not," he promised against her ear. "Never."

Jane felt her relax against him, as he began stroking her back. "I know you have a martyr complex, dear," he said, trying to explain his part in this. "And I know that you'd find a way to worry in a paradise, but Lisbon... I..."

"Can you deal with it?" she gasped against his shoulder when he faltered, suddenly unable to contain the question any longer, no matter how scared she was of the answer. "I know my job is tough. I _know_ being with someone on the job is tough. I can only imagine. I've talked to colleagues' husbands and wives... Hell, I spent hours listening to Bosco's wife after he got..." She swallowed. "I'm in Jane. I promise you, I'm all in. You don't need to worry about that. But I need to know if you can handle it Jane. I need you to tell me. Because we need to... Because if you can't, I don't know what I'll..."

Jane pulled back just enough to cut off her rambles with a quick (and admittedly somewhat uncoordinated) kiss. "I thought you were upset because you'd almost gotten shot! And a little bit because you could were re-evaluating this arrangement."

Lisbon dropped her head back onto his shoulder, breathing heavily. "Well, I guess I probably was freaked out about what happened a week ago. Not the part about our relationship, but the almost getting shot part. I mean that was part of it."

"You looked scared," Jane explained quietly, remembering her face when he'd brought her home that night. She had been frightened. Only problem was, she hadn't been frightened of what he'd expected. "I was trying to give you space, let you sort it out. I thought it might be one of those cop things, or maybe it's just a Lisbon thing, where you go off and figure out your game face, or whatever."

"As opposed to your usual method of deciding that my tendency to hold onto things is unhealthy, completely hypocritically by the way, and just camping out in my office with tea and staring at me superiorly until I break and tell you things," Lisbon asked.

"Well, it works!" Jane insisted, deciding he could hold her more comfortably on the couch. He dropped back down onto it and pulled her onto his lap, pleased when she threaded a hand through his hair. "And don't call me a hypocrite. How many times over the years have you marched up to the attic and banged on the door and made me open it?"

Lisbon frowned. "Oh like that was all that hard. Mostly I just had to ask you to. Nicely."

"Well, of course I opened the attic door for you. You're..." He stared at her. "Teresa."

"You didn't camp out in my office this time," Lisbon reminded him sadly. "You were so kind and courteous it set my teeth on edge. And then, the longer you were quiet..."

"The more realistic fears that had seemed so stupid originally felt," Jane whispered. He knew what that was like. He hadn't been the only one being _polite_. She'd barely scolded him all week. It'd just felt _wrong._

Lisbon nodded.

"I was trying to help you, let you breathe a bit. I thought it was what you wanted," Jane whispered.

"_Why would you think that?" _she demanded. She'd never told him that. Not _once_. She'd thought he'd known she'd come to like his pestering.

"I don't know," Jane admitted, tightening an arm around her waist. "I didn't know what to do. I guess I probably was a bit off-balance. Okay, yes, you almost getting shot freaked me out. You in danger always does. And most of the time when I've almost gotten shot, one, I was never really worried because I knew you'd probably come and save me, and two, I didn't have that much to live for. That's changed now, obviously. But you, you've always had..."

"What? What have I had exactly, Jane?" Lisbon demanded. Sure, she had her brothers and the team, but she wouldn't say that she'd had a particularly full personal life. Neither of them had.

"People who love you," Jane said softly.

Lisbon leant her forehead against his. "They'd get over it, eventually."

He shut his eyes. "I don't know if I would."

Lisbon bit her lip. "Exactly," and the notion that she had the capacity to destroy him had scared her far more than any gun to her head.

Jane saw it in her eyes. And while he hated the reality of it, and couldn't guarantee that he'd be able to survive if something happened to her, he could give her the truth. The thing he'd realized barely a week after they'd started sleeping together. "It doesn't matter."

"What?" Lisbon asked, confused.

"It doesn't matter," Jane repeated, threading a hand through her hair. "Because I don't want to live without you."

Lisbon felt her heart suddenly begin to race. "_Patrick._"

Jane pulled her infinitesimally closer in his lap. "I can handle it, Teresa," he promised. "I've known you ten years. I knew exactly what I was getting into."

She swallowed, and when she answered her voice shook. "Knowing is different than reality."

He smiled gently, realizing that he'd been expecting her stubbornness, and now that he had his head out of his ass, he knew exactly how to deal with it. He started placing kisses along her hairline. "Teresa..." 

She sighed, arching against him. But she didn't stop arguing. "You were _polite_. You haven't teased me about how much sugar I put in my first cup of coffee each morning _all goddamn week_. You haven't teased me _at all!_"

And Jane was very sorry for that. He promised himself that he would make it up to her. He didn't mind. Teasing her certainly wasn't a hardship. "You were quiet too, and trying to pretend nothing was wrong," he reminded her. "You were doing a terrible job of it of course, but..."

She smacked him, and his heart lifted. And he realized just how stupid not teasing her all week had been. Oh, he'd missed her, his feisty little CBI Agent.

"Because I thought you were keeping _your _distance because you weren't sure you could deal with your girlfriend in danger on a regular basis because of her job!" Lisbon explained.

"Okay," he whispered. He knew that now. He hadn't at the time. And yes, maybe he'd been an idiot, but she hadn't been exactly blameless. "So the moral of the story is that we're both idiots. And next time something happens, I will ask you repeatedly if you need me to leave you alone for a little while before I go all polite."

Lisbon was about to tell him that if he valued his limbs, he'd better never go all polite again, when something else caught her attention. "The next time?"

He smirked at her. "You're a cop, Teresa Lisbon. I can only assume that there will be a next time, much as I don't like the idea."

To her surprise, Lisbon felt tears welling up in her eyes again. "Patrick?"

He leaned forward to kiss her nose, her eyelids, her lips. When he finally pulled away, he was pleased to see her eyes were still closed. He wanted for her to open them before continuing. "I told you, I can handle it. How about this, I'll handle this, you handle my past."

Lisbon growled at him. "Of course I can handle your past."

"I know," Jane assured her. "That's why I didn't phrase it as a question."

She glanced up at him sideways. "You can really handle it?"

He chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear with a nod. "I've come up with a plan."

Lisbon's eyebrows rose and her tone turned sceptical, "A plan?"

"I'll have to tweak my methods a little," Jane murmured. "For improved Lisbon-safety. Not that I was being reckless with your life before, of course, but I'll just have to be more deliberately conscious of..."

Lisbon interrupted him, "Jane! I have to do my job. Sometimes it's dangerous, and I get that it's..."

He waved a hand at her. "Oh, no. You misunderstand, I'm not going to prevent you from doing your job in any way. You'll see. In fact, I doubt you'd have noticed a change if I hadn't just told you. I'm just going to start building Lisbon-friendly contingency plans in all of my schemes, as you call them."

Lisbon watched him warily. "Jane..."

"True or false," he said conversationally. "As my partner, you spend a large amount of your time trying to ensure that I'm safe when we're working?"

"Well, that's true," she muttered. "But..."

He put a single finger over her lips. "No buts, Teresa," he said, his expression suddenly intense. "Like I said, I promise not to get in your way, but I am going to do what I can to keep you safe. I'm afraid that's non-negotiable. And my understanding is that's part of most law enforcement partnerships."

She swallowed. "It extends to the team."

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What?"

"You worry about me _and_ you worry about the team," Lisbon said firmly.

Jane didn't bother telling her that he'd always worry about her more. He could live with the concession. In fact, it was probably a good one. Her near miss had driven home to him like nothing else that he had someone now. He had a reason for living. And he didn't want to lose her; he didn't want to lose this life. If that brought with it another layer of caution, he could live with it.

"Deal," he said with a smile.

She exhaled in relief. "And if you do anything that I think is inappropriate..."

"I'm sure you'll tell me," Jane said lightly.

Lisbon didn't laugh. "You really think you can handle it?"

He shrugged. "Like I said, it's really not even a question of handling it, Teresa. I refuse to acknowledge the alternative."

Lisbon had to close her eyes to deal with the sure of emotion running through her. She resisted Jane's attempts to pull her to him. Instead she met his eyes.

"I love you, Patrick Jane."

The breath stilled in his throat. He'd always suspected that, maybe even known it on some level, but... But she'd never...

Then he was pulling to her, and she was coming willingly, and her lips were on his, and her hands were unbuttoning his shirt and sliding over his chest, and Jane just gave into her. A minute later (while he still had the control to manage it), he slid his hands into her hair and eased her back slightly. "Say it again," he whispered. He knew it was greedy, but he needed to hear it.

Her smile was brilliant. "I love you," she assured him almost playfully. "Did you really not know?"

His first answer was another firm kiss on her lips. "I suspected... I mean, yeah... I... But you've never..."

"I should have," she murmured.

Jane leaned up to kiss his way along her neck, pausing at her pulse point and the spot under her ear that always made her squirm. Then he slid his mouth up further to whisper in her ear, "I love you too, you know."

Lisbon bit her lip, needing a moment, and not just because Jane now had her earlobe in his mouth. "I suspected," she replied breathlessly, grinding her hips against his.

She heard his groan. "Tease."

She slid her head back slightly, her lips hovering millimetres from his. "I assure you, I'm not teasing."

He captured her lips on a growl, only to wrench away a minute later. "Bedroom. _Now."_

Lisbon whined in protest, taking advantage of the temporary distance to try and push his shirt off his shoulders.

He shook his head frantically. "No, woman. You know how much I love this couch, and I do love this couch, and you on it. But believe me, we're going to need the bed for what I have in mind." He planned to keep her there for _hours_. But they needed to go _now_, because he was rapidly losing control, and soon he wouldn't be able to get them there.

Lisbon registered the words somewhere in the delicious haze of her brain, the one where Jane had finally succeeded in un-tucking her shirt and now his hands were drawing torturous patterns on the small of her back and his lips were on hers and... And why was Jane talking now? She didn't want that. She was so _sick_ of civilized. She wanted him to _want her_. She wanted him to look at the barriers she usually operated behind and just shatter them. He was the only one who could. She needed him to. _Now._ And while he was at it, she wanted to shatter his.

She leaned back in to kiss him, changing the angle of her hips until his fingers were digging into her hipbones.

After the week they'd been having, she needed this. They both did. She was so goddamned sick of _polite._

So she was extremely displeased when Jane thwarted her plans again by breaking her kiss. Then she felt his breath hot against her ear. "Teresa, _love_, bed. I'll make it worth your while. I _promise_."

Then he nipped her earlobe and she cried out in pleasure. And she forced herself to focus on his words. Letting Jane drag her into bed was generally a winning proposition. "Fine," she huffed, letting him push her off of him, and pulling him up at the same time. "But Jane?"

"Yeah?" he muttered, what little of his brain that was still functioning registering that she'd already dragged him halfway down the hallway.

Lisbon shoved him against the doorway to their room, "We're done talking now."

His answering kiss told him he more than understood that.

xxx

The end


End file.
